To incorporate last night’s action, or inaction, we’re kicking the Tuesday blues instead – sorry if that meant a rather meaningless Monday for you lot.

If it helps it wasn’t one of  Chubby Alonso’s finest week in terms of racking up them fantasy points, but as always there’s a good deal to be learnt. Here’s Chubby Alonso with some of his glorious moments from the weekend, as well as his share of gripes about it.

Is this the real life, or is it just Fantasy Football?

My Rights

On Saturday I predicted a riot of goals between two teams who began the season with a reputation for the bore-draw; sure enough it was Match of the Day’s first pick. I was vindicated by my selection of Kieran Trippier, who clocked up his second assist of the season with an excellent delivery from the corner, showing his potential to pick up points even while Burnley might be leaving more holes at the back than they’re used to. Danny Ings was once against amongst the goals and he looks like a man brimming with confidence, but the one with a massive sackful of it is none other than Jason Puncheon: the man not shy about leaving the pitch in the middle of the game to take a dump also seldom shies from taking a swing at the ball. As pointed out last Monday, J-Punch, just like Ings, appears to have taken responsibility for the club’s safety on his own shoulders, and is surely showing the fans that he’s got the balls to be the man for the job.

I will admit that with all the half-chances QPR carved out against Manchester United, Charlie Austin not scoring was probably a little fortunate – he’s shown again that he’s capable of mixing up against the best, even when the rest of his team aren’t, and that good ol fashioned strikers will always find a chance or two for themselves every game. And despite the unexpected hassle QPR caused, I stand by my decision to play Angel Di Maria – not that it takes much to stand by a £60mil man – because I’m placing the Argentine’s lack of output on Louis van Gaal’s tactical stubbornness.

It was indeed Van Gaal’s tactic-ing that drew all the attention post match. By his own admission his change to a diamond 4-4-2 in the second half – completed by the substitutions of Maroune Felliani and James Wilson, the game’s two goal scorers – creates more chances but leaves his team weak, but it is precisely this vulnerability that Gary Neville thinks United have lacked. Nerves, after all, don’t just happen – they take a good deal of steeling. A third defender leaves the option of the ‘safer pass’ and as long as that persists the ball will not go forward with the urgency that used to characterise Manchester United.

Neville’s stat of the nightpicked out the passes made by United’s centrebacks in the first half: 114 in total, a mere six less than the total managed by Arsenal’s, Chelsea’s and Southampton’s put together – three teams of course that pulled off wins against significantly testier opponents. The number was halved in the second half, with the tactical change handing the distribution duties to those more able on the ball instead. If Van Gaal does respond to the cries of “4-4-2” that was sounded out by the travelling United fans, then surely Di Maria will be on to something really soon.

The surge of attention shining on Santi Cazorla after Arsenal’s win gave the inverse impression that he was a player who has suddenly – and finally – made his breakthrough. The fact is that Santi has been operating consistently at this for a while now, and just two years ago was crowned as the club’s player of the year. The ‘coup’ of Mesut Ozil in his exact position has visibly taken the shine away but it is in the cool shades that he is happy to go about his business of helping fans get over the non-signing of a certain Cesc Fabregas.

Similarly, Olivier Giroud‘s goal on Sunday was the least of his contributions – his movement in pulling defenders away and his ability to make quick and intelligent passes shone through time and again to ensure that Arsenal didn’t need time on the ball to win – the 35% possession recorded was their lowest since Opta began collecting data – and it was his one-two in that led to Nacho Monreal winning the penalty in the first place.

It is inevitable that Giroud’s cleverness will find him in goal-scoring positions frequently and will be a worthwhile fantasy investment, dare I say more so than Santi himself – 61% of Santi’s shots have come from outside the box, and only a single goal has been scored from open play. This eye-catching performance might also win over some suitors, so having Santi might not be as maverick a move as one would think. For understated stars, how about a punt on young Hector Bellerin, whose endeavour on the right flank has apparently pipped him to the right-back berth over Callum Chambers, who is finding his favourite position to be the cursed John O’Shea.

The big story at Everton last night was Kevin Mirallas’ insistence on taking the penalty ahead of club darling Leighton Baines, who I will salute for being as gracious as they come in handing over his duties. Yet in that one kick Kevin Mirallas’ confidence peaked and emptied and a minute later was taken off for Bryan Oviedo because he ‘felt his hamstring’, which is football for ‘swallowed his pride and choked on it’. But at least there was a story on a boring evening: Everton’s clean sheet was not troubled as West Brom struggled to piece together a coherent attack, but equally the Baggies came well-drilled and would not have been surprised to clock their third clean sheet in a row.

The Tony Pulis era has well and truly begun and the role of Claudio Yacob (as pointed out in Gameweek 21’s Sweat My Squad) to all this could not be overstated. The same could be said of the reliable Chris Baird, one of Tony Pulis’ main changes made at Sebastian Poconogli’s expense. Priced at a mere 3.9 he’s the cheapest way into Tony Pulis’ back line and could be the most profitable – 44% of West Brom’s attacks came from the left flank last night, twice as much as it did on the right, where the more popular Andre Wisdom patrols.

As predicted, Bojan flourished against a dry Leicester side and with a win under their wings I’d back Stoke to go on a decent run of goals. Mark Hughes’ decision to stick Walters up front ahead showed his willingness to attack and press with pace and strength, and suggested that his use of Peter Crouch is more appropriate against teams who would be unsettled by a more rudimentary approach (ie. Arsenal, at the Brittania). His services weren’t needed against Leicester City, whose only real positive takeaway from this game was the sight of a recovered Jeffrey Schlupp down their left, showing no loss of form or endeavour.

My Revelations

A West Ham win over Hull was always on the cards, despite early jitters. Andy Carroll has come through again, thankfully, though he hardly looks likely to score more than once a game. It was Hull’s poor defending that gave Carroll a route through on goal, otherwise his lack of dynamism means he remains fairly limited as a forward. In contrast, Downing’s and Amalfitano’s goals were the result of some neat play from midfield to attack; it was telling that Carroll was nowhere close to being at the end of these moves.

Winston Reid‘s place on the bench was annoying, but more so was Big Sam’s decision to bring him on as the game was winding down, robbing him of enough minutes to earn the clean sheet points. As a goal-scoring option James Tomkins looked the significantly more likely option, time and again showing the knack to match the hunger to be at the end of crosses. Either way, with United, Liverpool, Southampton and Spurs to play over the next four games, Fantasy managers will be walking away from their West Ham assets with the oblivion of last night’s lover.

Branislav Ivanovic‘s nearly predictably good performance has taught me a fair lesson on form against fixtures, that a player who has cost me this much, playing for a team with such swag as well, ought to be fixture proof. It was a good reminder that I’d splashed the cash for his attacking potential, rather than defensive prowess. The rampaging Serb now has three assists to his name in his last three games, all of them coming from a combination of his well-timed, tireless runs into the box and his impeccable vision and ability to plate up the pass for an easy tap-in.

Oh yes, and Diego Costa was incredible – of course he was. He may be new to English football but he has surely found his new favourite opponents – his second goal was his 5th in 102 minutes against them. Eden Hazard may have had little output to show for his enterprise but his involvement throughout the game means that his quality will reap returns in the longer run. The same could be said of Gylfi Sigurdsson – still Swansea’s brightest spark – who was playing in a much more withdrawn role to accommodate an ineffective Nelson Oliviera. The Swans, and Sigurdsson, are looking like they miss Ki Sung-Yeung in midfield almost as much as they do Wilfried Bony up front.

Eriksen was the star to make up for Chadli‘s no-show, but the real revelation at White Hart Lane was a Jermain Defoe on his return to his old stomping ground, who won the free-kick and on another day might have won a penalty too with a sharp turn. If he can begin to get a full 90 minutes under his belt he’s got more than a goal in him. He’s already brought initiative sorely lacking up front for Sunderland and he’s certainly got the desire to score, insisting on playing for another 15 minutes when Poyet’s plan was to rest him on the hour. His presence, experience and quickness has allowed Sunderland to play in a new formation that produced an unusally high number of opportunities, and I wouldn’t be surprised if even Steven Fletcher began breaking his duck very soon.

Yes, it’s taken me a while, but Southampton do look like they’ve got all the trimmings of a top team – being able to score without playing particularly well being the latest addition to their armoury of attributes. My decision to bench Nathaniel Clyne was well-founded but my faith in Moussa Sissoko has been less so. No doubts that he is an excellent player but it’s been agonising seeing him come so close all the time without leaving his mark. Despite his fundamental role in Newcastle’s forays, he works almost too hard to be finding himself at the profitable end of it most of the time. In contrast, Eljero Elia was a passenger for large parts of the game yet found himself as the game’s official hero. I’d be wary of jumping on Elia’s inevitable bandwagon – his goals appeared to be a combination of confidence and luck rather than any genuine viciousness, but then again that might just be all you really need to make it in this game.

On the continent

It’s not been the most exciting weekend around the Big European Leagues, but that’s usually the case when it’s business as usual for the big boys on the block.

Paris Saint-Germain make the grade as a big dog, by default of their reputation. On Saturday they came from behind to beat a bottled-water company 4-2, featuring a real rarity – Zlatan Ibrahimovic setting up Edison Cavani for PSG’s fourth (though doubts remain if he’d actually expected Cavani to be at the end of his ball poked across goal). Still, PSG remain in third place, four points behind the real big dogs of French football. Olympique Lyon – winners of every championship from 2002-2008 – beat Lens 2-0 to clock their sixth win in a row, keeping them top of the pops for another week. Equally significant was Alexandre Lacazette’s customary goal, his 9th in his last 5 games. He retains his position as second only to Cristiano Ronaldo in goals scored this season, yes even ahead of one Lionel Messi. Little wonder that Lyon’s president has publicly declared him already a much better player than ‘the Welshman at Real Madrid’.

Not that Messi cares for competition though; he certainly played as though the Deportivo defenders didn’t exist, bagging his 33rd career hat-trick in Barcelona’s joyous 4-0 romp in La Coruna with an exhibition of goals as good as any we’ve seen him produce. Earlier in the day, Ronaldo had helped himself to two goals as the men from the capital refused a plucky Getafe resistance, but it took a sumptuous bit of skill from Benzema to bust that can open.

In Madrid there was also the little matter of Torres getting his first league start but failing to follow up on his mid-week heroics, so I guess that’s business as usual for the Fernando Torres we’ve come to know over the past years. He’ll have to get his act together quickly if he wants to remain in Atletico Madrid‘s future plans, plans that will see them become a de facto big dog of world football: the club have yesterday announced the sale of a 20% stake in their club to Wang Jianlin, the second wealthiest man in the world’s second largest country.

Business as usual also for Lazio, who have their taste of life without Felipe Anderson with an uninspiring loss to Napoli. Felipe Anderson, of course, was out with a mix of a knee injury, some literal Daddy issues, and a serious case of the Chubby Alonso Jinx. It remains that there is only one genuine top don in Italy: Juventus casually showing how it’s done by spooning four goals past Hellas Verona, making it 10 goals in three days against the hapless side. Paul Pogba, who’d showed off his basketball skills before scoring on Thursday night, with the pick of the lot.

Qatar News (and it’s got little to do with FIFA…I think)

Meanwhile in Qatar, Pep’s efforts to get his team chomping at the bit has worked a little too well, rubbing off on a crocodile that was having a mid-day swim when the hand of Arjen Robben slipped into between its teeth….

…not that Pep would worry too much about Robben – it’s Badstuber he loves the most, and everyone knows that now: