Sweat My Squad: Easy Peasy…or Lemon Squeezy? (Gameweek 23)

Sweat My Squad

Having splashed on the wildcard Chubby Alonso’s pretty confident that he’s got it bang on the buck. It ought to be a little less sweat and a lot more to savour this week, so Chubby has sussed this week’s picks into Fixtures and Fo ‘Shizzles:

Fixtures

Leighton Baines (Crystal Palace v Everton): The sentimental choice. The expensive defender has set pieces and (definitely) penalties in his locker, and duly scored from the spot the last time both sides met. In a game against Palace that spells goals, he’s got as good a chance as any, and there are few better feels in Fantasy football than a goal from his sweet left foot.

Branislav Ivanovic (Chelsea v Manchester City): Benching him against Swansea was a failed gamble, and his record of a goal and three assists in his last five games means dropping him against City would a foolish. It will be interesting to see just when the tireless defender will finally wear out: his extra-time outing in midweek was his 30th game this season and alongside John Terry is the only player to have clocked 90 minutes in every league game this season. He comes into this game on the back of a slight niggle and a little less blood, but who would bet against him pulling through unscathed and ever-ready to tame a rested but restless Sergio Aguero, who has now gone over 200 minutes without a goal.

Eden Hazard (Chelsea v Manchester City): Mourinho will take a draw from this game but knows that Chelsea will have to score to get any results. Cue, Eden Hazard – Chelsea’s brightest star. The Belgian is an untouchable in Mourinho’s side and is the same in mine. He’ll be even more valuable following the repurcussions of Costa’s stamp-collecting efforts, but will need Didier Drogba dancing to the same beat to create the space for Eden to be a real Hazard.

Charlie Austin (Stoke City v QPR): It hit me last week that I feel much more uncomfortable with Charlie Austin out of the side than with him in it, no matter the opposition. The stats speak for themselves: 4.2 shots a game, 13 goals in 20. Harry Redknapp’s surprising silence in the transfer market suggests that little ought to change in QPR’s approach to the game, making the outing at Britannia rather predictable: an empty endeavour, but chances for Charlie nonetheless.

Fo’ Shizzle

David Ospina (Arsenal v Aston Villa): It should speak volumes of Arsenal’s visitors on Sunday that Ospina’s biggest threat to his clean sheet bonus is not Villa’s ambling attack but Szczesny’s competition for the first team spot. Of course, in Christian Benteke, Aston Villa boast a man who has perennially been a thorn in Arsenal’s flesh, with three goals in his last two games against them – but without the right sort of service, it’s hard to see him regaining his colour just yet. If he starts, Ospina’s third clean sheet in a row looks a mere formality.

Oliver Giroud (Arsenal v Aston Villa): There’s almost no chance that Arsenal won’t score, and highly unlikely that it’ll stop at one. Even with Alexis likely rested, there’s too much firepower in this Arsenal and chances aplenty will be created – ergo, plenty for Giroud to gobble up.

Angel Di Maria (Manchester United v Leicester City): I’m putting my neck out to say that there’s absolutely no way that Di Maria will draw a blank against Leicester. No matter how poorly and stubbornly LVG sets United out, surely Di Maria is too quick, too good, and too trigger-happy to do nothing against one of the league’s least convincing defence. Perhaps Carrick’s injury will push the cause for Di Maria’s creativity in midfield, and perhaps Wilson’s goal against QPR can prompt a place alongside Falcao, necessarily pushing the Argentinian deeper. Perhaps, but surely?

Jason Puncheon (Crystal Palace v Everton): It’s all party at the Palace these days until the new headmaster starts getting real uptight about things, which means it’s all crystal with a good chance of goals. I don’t think much else needs to be said about the selection of Jason Puncheon, who – like Dwight Gayle – is a man in some form, but unlike his counterpart, can score in a greater variety of ways. Of course his streak can’t go on forever, but boy will he try, especially in front of the raucous Selhurst crowd.

Nathaniel Clyne (Southampton v Swansea): Swansea’s loss is Southampton’s gain. Sigurdsson’s sending off means the Swans are without him and Ki Sung-Yeung for the first time this season, and the signing of Jack Cork from the south coast has come a day too late for him to face his newly-former club. Southampton should easily control the midfield and therefore the game, allowing Nathaniel Clyne the chance to pour forward and heap potential points on top of his assured clean sheet.

Graziano Pelle (Southampton v Swansea): Southampton will understand that there are few better ways to command a game than to score, and Graziano Pelle must know there are few better opportunities to get the season going again. The last time the two sides met, Pelle had six shots at goal without scoring, and will look to put things right this time round. Saido Mane might make a cameo appearance after returning from AFCON, and it will be interesting to see how much of his form has been lost through his recent injury.

Victor Moses (Stoke City v QPR): QPR’s incredible return of a ZERO points in all their travels this season means that Stoke’s win should be a formality. Bojan’s cruel injury may make this a slightly more tricky than necessary, but Victor Moses is a man keen to pick up the pieces. The Nigerian’s good form early in the season was halted by an injury, but sparkled again against Rochdale in mid-week. On average, Moses still leads the club in key passes made, and is second only to Bojan himself in shots taken. Jonathan Walters‘ energy and spot kick responsibilities makes it a tough choice between the two to share the load – meaning a fifty-fifty for Fantasy managers, but a win-win for Mark Hughes at the Britannia today.

Also worth a shot…

Jermain Defoe (Sunderland v Burnley): Choosing Charlie Austin ahead of my man Jermain was a crying call and one I’m hoping I won’t end up regretting. Defoe has had a significant impact not just on Sunderland’s shape, but also their swagger. The team are attacking with great confidence, and I know Defoe’s will peak when – not if – he starts scoring. Against a porous Burnley defence, in front of the Stadium of Light, Defoe will surely do what he’s done all these years. Reservations only remain as to just how many and how often Defoe can do it because unlike China, one’s not quite enough for me.

Adam Lallana (Liverpool v West Ham): My vote for the biggest revelation thus far is not how lost Liverpool look without their ‘SAS’ strikeforce, but how astute a tactician Big Sam actually is. Sterling, Coutinho and even Sturridge play to their flowing best when Liverpool pour forward with last year’s reckless abandon, but Allardyce will surely know better than to allow that to happen. Enter Adam Lallana, a man capable of driving both on the fast lane and the slow, a man primed to unpick an oragnised defence with grace and without glamour. If Alex Song fails to overcome that niggling knock, a rested Lallana may be the one to get Anfield on her feet this time.

Nikica Jelavic (Hull City v Newcastle United): Hull City may have failed to score in their last three games but Newcastle have not kept a clean sheet since November and have leaked 12 goals in their last in the league. Something’s obviously got to give, and my cheeky money’s on the returning Nikica Jelavic to be the day’s hero.

Kicking The Blues: Business As Usual…Mostly

Kicking The Blues

To incorporate last night’s action, or inaction, we’re kicking the Tuesday blues instead – sorry if that meant a rather meaningless Monday for you lot.

If it helps it wasn’t one of Chubby Alonso’s finest week in terms of racking up them fantasy points, but as always there’s a good deal to be learnt. Here’s Chubby Alonso with some of his glorious moments from the weekend, as well as his share of gripes about it.

Is this the real life, or is it just Fantasy Football?

My Rights

On Saturday I predicted a riot of goals between two teams who began the season with a reputation for the bore-draw; sure enough it was Match of the Day’s first pick. I was vindicated by my selection of Kieran Trippier, who clocked up his second assist of the season with an excellent delivery from the corner, showing his potential to pick up points even while Burnley might be leaving more holes at the back than they’re used to. Danny Ings was once against amongst the goals and he looks like a man brimming with confidence, but the one with a massive sackful of it is none other than Jason Puncheon: the man not shy about leaving the pitch in the middle of the game to take a dump also seldom shies from taking a swing at the ball. As pointed out last Monday, J-Punch, just like Ings, appears to have taken responsibility for the club’s safety on his own shoulders, and is surely showing the fans that he’s got the balls to be the man for the job.

I will admit that with all the half-chances QPR carved out against Manchester United, Charlie Austin not scoring was probably a little fortunate – he’s shown again that he’s capable of mixing up against the best, even when the rest of his team aren’t, and that good ol fashioned strikers will always find a chance or two for themselves every game. And despite the unexpected hassle QPR caused, I stand by my decision to play Angel Di Maria – not that it takes much to stand by a £60mil man – because I’m placing the Argentine’s lack of output on Louis van Gaal’s tactical stubbornness.

It was indeed Van Gaal’s tactic-ing that drew all the attention post match. By his own admission his change to a diamond 4-4-2 in the second half – completed by the substitutions of Maroune Felliani and James Wilson, the game’s two goal scorers – creates more chances but leaves his team weak, but it is precisely this vulnerability that Gary Neville thinks United have lacked. Nerves, after all, don’t just happen – they take a good deal of steeling. A third defender leaves the option of the ‘safer pass’ and as long as that persists the ball will not go forward with the urgency that used to characterise Manchester United.

Neville’s stat of the nightpicked out the passes made by United’s centrebacks in the first half: 114 in total, a mere six less than the total managed by Arsenal’s, Chelsea’s and Southampton’s put together – three teams of course that pulled off wins against significantly testier opponents. The number was halved in the second half, with the tactical change handing the distribution duties to those more able on the ball instead. If Van Gaal does respond to the cries of “4-4-2” that was sounded out by the travelling United fans, then surely Di Maria will be on to something really soon.

The surge of attention shining on Santi Cazorla after Arsenal’s win gave the inverse impression that he was a player who has suddenly – and finally – made his breakthrough. The fact is that Santi has been operating consistently at this for a while now, and just two years ago was crowned as the club’s player of the year. The ‘coup’ of Mesut Ozil in his exact position has visibly taken the shine away but it is in the cool shades that he is happy to go about his business of helping fans get over the non-signing of a certain Cesc Fabregas.

Similarly, Olivier Giroud‘s goal on Sunday was the least of his contributions – his movement in pulling defenders away and his ability to make quick and intelligent passes shone through time and again to ensure that Arsenal didn’t need time on the ball to win – the 35% possession recorded was their lowest since Opta began collecting data – and it was his one-two in that led to Nacho Monreal winning the penalty in the first place.

It is inevitable that Giroud’s cleverness will find him in goal-scoring positions frequently and will be a worthwhile fantasy investment, dare I say more so than Santi himself – 61% of Santi’s shots have come from outside the box, and only a single goal has been scored from open play. This eye-catching performance might also win over some suitors, so having Santi might not be as maverick a move as one would think. For understated stars, how about a punt on young Hector Bellerin, whose endeavour on the right flank has apparently pipped him to the right-back berth over Callum Chambers, who is finding his favourite position to be the cursed John O’Shea.

The big story at Everton last night was Kevin Mirallas’ insistence on taking the penalty ahead of club darling Leighton Baines, who I will salute for being as gracious as they come in handing over his duties. Yet in that one kick Kevin Mirallas’ confidence peaked and emptied and a minute later was taken off for Bryan Oviedo because he ‘felt his hamstring’, which is football for ‘swallowed his pride and choked on it’. But at least there was a story on a boring evening: Everton’s clean sheet was not troubled as West Brom struggled to piece together a coherent attack, but equally the Baggies came well-drilled and would not have been surprised to clock their third clean sheet in a row.

The Tony Pulis era has well and truly begun and the role of Claudio Yacob (as pointed out in Gameweek 21’s Sweat My Squad) to all this could not be overstated. The same could be said of the reliable Chris Baird, one of Tony Pulis’ main changes made at Sebastian Poconogli’s expense. Priced at a mere 3.9 he’s the cheapest way into Tony Pulis’ back line and could be the most profitable – 44% of West Brom’s attacks came from the left flank last night, twice as much as it did on the right, where the more popular Andre Wisdom patrols.

As predicted, Bojan flourished against a dry Leicester side and with a win under their wings I’d back Stoke to go on a decent run of goals. Mark Hughes’ decision to stick Walters up front ahead showed his willingness to attack and press with pace and strength, and suggested that his use of Peter Crouch is more appropriate against teams who would be unsettled by a more rudimentary approach (ie. Arsenal, at the Brittania). His services weren’t needed against Leicester City, whose only real positive takeaway from this game was the sight of a recovered Jeffrey Schlupp down their left, showing no loss of form or endeavour.

My Revelations

A West Ham win over Hull was always on the cards, despite early jitters. Andy Carroll has come through again, thankfully, though he hardly looks likely to score more than once a game. It was Hull’s poor defending that gave Carroll a route through on goal, otherwise his lack of dynamism means he remains fairly limited as a forward. In contrast, Downing’s and Amalfitano’s goals were the result of some neat play from midfield to attack; it was telling that Carroll was nowhere close to being at the end of these moves.

Winston Reid‘s place on the bench was annoying, but more so was Big Sam’s decision to bring him on as the game was winding down, robbing him of enough minutes to earn the clean sheet points. As a goal-scoring option James Tomkins looked the significantly more likely option, time and again showing the knack to match the hunger to be at the end of crosses. Either way, with United, Liverpool, Southampton and Spurs to play over the next four games, Fantasy managers will be walking away from their West Ham assets with the oblivion of last night’s lover.

Branislav Ivanovic‘s nearly predictably good performance has taught me a fair lesson on form against fixtures, that a player who has cost me this much, playing for a team with such swag as well, ought to be fixture proof. It was a good reminder that I’d splashed the cash for his attacking potential, rather than defensive prowess. The rampaging Serb now has three assists to his name in his last three games, all of them coming from a combination of his well-timed, tireless runs into the box and his impeccable vision and ability to plate up the pass for an easy tap-in.

Oh yes, and Diego Costa was incredible – of course he was. He may be new to English football but he has surely found his new favourite opponents – his second goal was his 5th in 102 minutes against them. Eden Hazard may have had little output to show for his enterprise but his involvement throughout the game means that his quality will reap returns in the longer run. The same could be said of Gylfi Sigurdsson – still Swansea’s brightest spark – who was playing in a much more withdrawn role to accommodate an ineffective Nelson Oliviera. The Swans, and Sigurdsson, are looking like they miss Ki Sung-Yeung in midfield almost as much as they do Wilfried Bony up front.

Eriksen was the star to make up for Chadli‘s no-show, but the real revelation at White Hart Lane was a Jermain Defoe on his return to his old stomping ground, who won the free-kick and on another day might have won a penalty too with a sharp turn. If he can begin to get a full 90 minutes under his belt he’s got more than a goal in him. He’s already brought initiative sorely lacking up front for Sunderland and he’s certainly got the desire to score, insisting on playing for another 15 minutes when Poyet’s plan was to rest him on the hour. His presence, experience and quickness has allowed Sunderland to play in a new formation that produced an unusally high number of opportunities, and I wouldn’t be surprised if even Steven Fletcher began breaking his duck very soon.

Yes, it’s taken me a while, but Southampton do look like they’ve got all the trimmings of a top team – being able to score without playing particularly well being the latest addition to their armoury of attributes. My decision to bench Nathaniel Clyne was well-founded but my faith in Moussa Sissoko has been less so. No doubts that he is an excellent player but it’s been agonising seeing him come so close all the time without leaving his mark. Despite his fundamental role in Newcastle’s forays, he works almost too hard to be finding himself at the profitable end of it most of the time. In contrast, Eljero Elia was a passenger for large parts of the game yet found himself as the game’s official hero. I’d be wary of jumping on Elia’s inevitable bandwagon – his goals appeared to be a combination of confidence and luck rather than any genuine viciousness, but then again that might just be all you really need to make it in this game.

On the continent

It’s not been the most exciting weekend around the Big European Leagues, but that’s usually the case when it’s business as usual for the big boys on the block.

Paris Saint-Germain make the grade as a big dog, by default of their reputation. On Saturday they came from behind to beat a bottled-water company 4-2, featuring a real rarity – Zlatan Ibrahimovic setting up Edison Cavani for PSG’s fourth (though doubts remain if he’d actually expected Cavani to be at the end of his ball poked across goal). Still, PSG remain in third place, four points behind the real big dogs of French football. Olympique Lyon – winners of every championship from 2002-2008 – beat Lens 2-0 to clock their sixth win in a row, keeping them top of the pops for another week. Equally significant was Alexandre Lacazette’s customary goal, his 9th in his last 5 games. He retains his position as second only to Cristiano Ronaldo in goals scored this season, yes even ahead of one Lionel Messi. Little wonder that Lyon’s president has publicly declared him already a much better player than ‘the Welshman at Real Madrid’.

Not that Messi cares for competition though; he certainly played as though the Deportivo defenders didn’t exist, bagging his 33rd career hat-trick in Barcelona’s joyous 4-0 romp in La Coruna with an exhibition of goals as good as any we’ve seen him produce. Earlier in the day, Ronaldo had helped himself to two goals as the men from the capital refused a plucky Getafe resistance, but it took a sumptuous bit of skill from Benzema to bust that can open.

In Madrid there was also the little matter of Torres getting his first league start but failing to follow up on his mid-week heroics, so I guess that’s business as usual for the Fernando Torres we’ve come to know over the past years. He’ll have to get his act together quickly if he wants to remain in Atletico Madrid‘s future plans, plans that will see them become a de facto big dog of world football: the club have yesterday announced the sale of a 20% stake in their club to Wang Jianlin, the second wealthiest man in the world’s second largest country.

Business as usual also for Lazio, who have their taste of life without Felipe Anderson with an uninspiring loss to Napoli. Felipe Anderson, of course, was out with a mix of a knee injury, some literal Daddy issues, and a serious case of the Chubby Alonso Jinx. It remains that there is only one genuine top don in Italy: Juventus casually showing how it’s done by spooning four goals past Hellas Verona, making it 10 goals in three days against the hapless side. Paul Pogba, who’d showed off his basketball skills before scoring on Thursday night, with the pick of the lot.

Qatar News (and it’s got little to do with FIFA…I think)

Meanwhile in Qatar, Pep’s efforts to get his team chomping at the bit has worked a little too well, rubbing off on a crocodile that was having a mid-day swim when the hand of Arjen Robben slipped into between its teeth….

…not that Pep would worry too much about Robben – it’s Badstuber he loves the most, and everyone knows that now:

Sweat My Squad: Sanchez meets Sergio, Gomis meets Costa, Master Meets Apprentice (Gameweek 22)

Sweat My Squad

Jermain’s back, and so are we!

Unfazed by going another week without Alexis Sanchez, Chubby Alonso hopes you’ll sweat it out with him again. Chubby Alonso keeps the faith with his current crop and by doing so has been forced to make a few bold decisions, none more so than starting Gylfi Sigurdsson and Moussa Sissoko ahead of Branislav Ivanovic and Charlie Austin. Andy Carroll and Winston Reid will be certainly shown the door after this week, so here’s to hoping for the perfect adieu from the big pair. Let’s have a look at some of Chubby’s choices, as well as some other players he might have the eyes for…

Brad Guzan (Aston Villa v Liverpool)

I’ve decided to stick with Brad this week primarily because I’m saving up my transfers, and also because I’m expecting goals aplenty everywhere else this weekend. But my bet remains an educated one: Villa have been poor but remain hard to beat at home, conceding just three goals in their last five home games, including 1-1 draws with Southampton and a then-rampant Manchester United. Liverpool should and will dominate possession and will welcome the returning Raheem Sterling, which might spell a reduced role for either Coutinho or Markovic, two players who were excellent last week. Yet in Sterling, Liverpool also has a player with a goal per shot ratio of 8%, a stat that primes Brad Guzan to make a healthy handful of saves, or dare I say, a shut out.

Winston Reid/Andy Carroll (West Ham United v Hull City)

There may be some tired legs after West Ham’s lengthy midweek duelwith Everton, so Big Sam will be happy to know that it’s a rather rudderless Hull side he’ll come up against tomorrow. Hull City have failed to score in 5 of their last 7 matches and will enter this game without Nikica Jelavic and Abel Hernandez, both of them pulling up injured in last weekend’s loss. If their midfield can withhold the tiny threat of Tom Ince, the in-demand Winston Reid should have a rather peaceful time at the back and might instead focus his efforts up front, joining forces with Andy Carroll at set pieces to rack up a morale-boosting win before The Hammers hit the rough road. They play Liverpool, Manchester United, Southampton and Spurs in their next four games, so nothing less than three points will do for Big Sam.

Kieran Trippier (Burnley v Crystal Palace)

At the start of the season, one might have looked at the fixture list and struck this one off as a bore nil-nil. Yet six months down the road and we have a duel between two teams who will go at each other. Burnley are finding their feet and the net, playing like conscientious collective that won them promotion, and can reliably rely on Danny Ings, Ashley Barnes and even Sam Vokes to get in amongst the goals. Crystal Palace are hoping to catch the same wind Burnley has with their atmospheric win over Spurs and have now picked up a Yaya Sanogo to add to their collection of half-decent strikers. While this gives them proper options up front, Palace only kick-started into life against Spurs when the orthodox Glenn Murray was replaced by Wilfried Zaha, effectively operating a strikerless system that created chaos in attack. If Padrew sticks with a conservative Plan A and leaves Zaha on the bench, Burnley – and Kieran Trippier – might just get away with it; otherwise, I’d expect this to be quite a shootout.

Leighton Baines (Everton v West Brom)
With eyes on Kevin Mirallas

The last time Martinez’ Everton faced a Tony Pulis team at Goodison Park, they found themselves muted out of the game by a well-drilled and hard working Palace side. Everton at that point were at their Martinez-best, making the result doubly surprising; this time though they are escaping from a long slump and should emerge with some hard lessons learnt. Everton’s futile FA Cup exertions in midweek – playing nearly 90 minutes with just ten men – means they will have to draw on their reserves to grind out a result here, though the Monday evening fixture fortuitously gives them slightly more time to catch their breaths. Martinez should refrain from making many changes, but I would be surprised though if the eager Kevin Mirallas wasn’t granted a start, and equally surprised if he’s not amongst the goals. If Muhamed Besic operates as efficiently as he did against Manchester City last week and tames the tempermental Sessegnon, Leighton Baines and Co. should be home and dry on what will be a cold, snowy day.

Moussa Sissoko (Newcastle United v Southampton)

Southampton come into this game as the favourites but Newcastle are an unusual side to play against, as seen in last week’s game of two halves. Remy Cabella also had his own two halves of sorts, looking lively in the first against a Chelsea defence visibly caught off-guard, but tame in the second after some Mourinho-wisening up. He’s on a quest to prove that he’s more than a flash in a pan though, and will have to do so against Southampton’s excellent set of fullbacks. The instrumental Moussa Sissoko hit the post last week and has the slightly easier task in the middle – Victory Wanyama’s hamstring-ing against Ipswich means he partners Morgan Schneiderlin on the injury table. Southampton will surely miss their presence in midfield and could surprisingly struggle against a fired-up Newcastle in front of a raucous St. James Park.

Angel Di Maria (QPR v Manchester United)

Angel Di Maria was played as United’s most forward target against Southampton and was accordingly snuffed out by some intelligent defending. Van Gaal will likely mend that by shifting United’s chief attacking impetus further down to run at QPR, especially with regular left-back Yun Suk-Young out injured. Richard Dunne also came under fire at Burnley last weekend and fights an uphill battle against Falcao, who will want to prove a point in Van Persie’s absence. Falcao has shown great work rate and movement whenever played and should also take advantage of QPR’s lacklustre defence. At the other end, Charlie Austin may be good value for a goal at Loftus Road, but with QPR’s full backs pegged back, he will probably find his supply of crosses cut short. In any case, Chris Smalling and Phil Jones have always looked more comfortable dealing with the classic centre-forward than the speedy striker and should be able to deal with the more rudimentary stuff that QPR have put up of late.

Nacer Chadli (Tottenham Hotspurs v Sunderland)
With eyes on Jermain Defoe

It seems like just yesterday that I was sat in White Hart Lane, watching Jermain Defoe making his last lap around the ground after Spurs’ 1-0 win over Everton, fans in full adulation of the last striker to have made a real mark for the club – until Harry Kane that is. Today’s match should be a straight shootout between the returning master and his flourishing apprentice. While Spurs have the stronger supporting cast (not since the opening day have Spurs won a game in which neither Chadli nor Eriksen have contributed), Sunderland have the more resilient and less dramatic defence. Spurs should prevail, even if just, but see if the Lane faithful will begrudge good ol’ Jermain a goal.

Gylfi Sigurdsson / Eden Hazard / Diego Costa (Swansea v Chelsea)

What can be said about this match up? A traditionally tight affair was taken apart in the return fixture when a Diego Costa hat-trick put him on the map and sent Swansea on a five match winless streak. That day marked Bafetimbi Gomis’ first start of the season; he failed to score with any of his five shots at goal and was duly replaced by Wilfried Bony, who within 10 minutes had set up Jonjo Shelvey. The sceptre still looms over Gomis, who hungers for his first goal in the Post-Bony era having seen last week’s header chalked off as an own goal. He’ll be thankful, then, to have Glyfi Sigurdsson playing just behind him. No team is ever guaranteed a clean sheet when up against Sigurdsson (explaining Ivanovic’s place on my bench), but thankfully for the fans the same can be said for Eden Hazard. There will be goals, and I wouldn’t bet against either Diego Costa or Bafetimbi Gomis being amongst them.

Other Punts of Interest:

Bojan Krkic (Leicester City v Stoke City)

Stoke may have looked terribly flat against Arsenal, but that’s probably because they were visibly on their last legs after an incredibly testing set of fixtures that stretched to the start of December. The squad will look to put that to bed and recover some semblance of joy against Leicester. Bojan Krkic, for one, has sometimes flattered and often deceived, but in the next three matches will come up against three of the league’s five worst defences, and will need to start picking up some momentum at the King Power. On form, Leicester may fancy themselves but Stoke are one of those sides against which your best laid plans can fall to the wayside. The teams face each other without Dean Hammond, Esteban Cambiasso and Steven N’Zonzi, who would have been three of the most prolific passers on the pitch, so I would expect the midfield to be bypassed fairly often, and Bojan to profit from this extra time on the ball.

Oliver Giroud (Manchester City v Arsenal)
With eyes on David Silva

Arsenal badly need a win today to prove that their destructive victory over stoke was more than a mere mismatch of talents. Wenger might be secretly confident of a result, and why wouldn’t he? In Alexis Sanchez he has arguably the Premier League’s most feared player, and with Walcott and Ozil waiting in the wings they have quality in depth too. Yet it could be Olivier Giroud to make all the difference at the Etihad. The stylish French forward has been much maligned but remains a terrifically difficult player to mark. With some clever runs and touches he is the closest thing Arsenal have to Dennis Bergkamp and probably their best chance of unlocking a well organised defence. He might not get in amongst the goals all the time, but his mere presence up front releases Sanchez and Chamberlain to run at the defence; it is telling that Sanchez’ mini-drought against West Ham and Southampton coincided with Giroud’s absence altogether.

But of course to have a chance of winning, Arsenal must first stop Manchester City’s mechanically powerful attack – a job that falls on the shoulders of a young Francis Coquelin. He will know that he can spare Mertesacker’s blushes by cutting off the supply to Aguero; the better he does this and the more David Silva is marked out of the game, the greater Arsenal’s chance of snatching their first victory at the Etihad since a certain Samir Nasri scored and set up another back in 2010.

Kicking The Blues: Everything You Need To Know From The Weekend (Starring: European Capital Cities)

Kicking The Blues

Legend has it that it is football, not laughter, that is the best medicine. So what batter way to kill the monday blues than with a dose of it? Having woken up rather heavily after last night’s manic bout of football, Chubby Alonso rounds up all that is worth knowing about the weekend’s action.

Is this the real life, or is this just a Fantasy Review?

For all those who sweat my squad or took my tips, thank you, apologies, and you are welcome, depending on which way you flew. Things didn’t go too badly this week, with the Premiership delivering few surprises, but that’s barely good enough…here’s some learning points:

My Rights

Leighton Baines, and Everton, look a good bet. They ended the game well and will look to bring that over to the next game. Baines and Coleman both looked busy, and the team played to Lukaku’s strength and pace by releasing him quickly time and again. Martinez appears to have taken his players’ constructive feedback well and it showed against City where they looked good playing direct football on the counter. Silva was predictably influential and the pairing of Fernando and Fernandinho was tidy, but neither were able to be a real ‘Toure’ de Force going forward. Sergio Aguero will have to shake off that rust, and quick.

For big parts of the game, Swansea looked incapable of handling Andy Carroll, summed up in the sight of the five Swans surrounding him, blurry as he coaxed a quite wonderful shot into the net. Similarly, his opposite number Bafetimbi Gomis looked like a raging bull at times and dispatched his header with much aplomb. No surprises then that the goal came as a direct result of another set piece from Gylfi Sigurdsson– he lives to deliver.

Charlie Austin proved that the bigger risk was indeed leaving him out of the fantasy side. This game told the typical story of QPR’s offensive prowess: Adel Taarabt started and finished the 90 mins forgettably; Charlie Austin scores his 13th league goal – 57% of QPR’s total haul. Kieran Trippier also continued to impress, him and Ben Mee putting in good shifts on the flanks in support of Scott Arfield and Georgie Boyd – both were awarded a bonus point for their efforts. Coming from under the radar, Burnley are slowly but surely picking up rhythm, and the team’s growing confidence was evident in Arfield’s superb solo goal, fuelling Sean Dyche’s mild jibe that the same goal scored by Alexis Sanchez would have been showed a hundred times over the weekend. Sanchez would then score an identical goal a day later to really put that theory to the test (validated!).

Gareth McAuley put in the sort of performance Tony Pulis would ask of his centrebacks and was duly recognised with a bonus point. Both teams were otherwise poor going forward and West Brom were lucky to score. They may not always look good value for a win, but under Pulis they should look increasingly hard to beat.

Newcastle may have ruffled some real feathers in the first half against Chelsea but at the final whistle it was Mourinho’s men emerging with the win – 2-0 becoming an annoyingly familiar scoreline. At the very highest level it’s about the chances you take, not the ones you make: Cabella was enterprising with little end product and unless he develops a deadly dimension to his game, will surely be found out soon enough. Diego Costa on the other hand has proved to be merciless on a day that Eden Hazard spared himself of taking any shots. Branislav Ivanovic was brave at the back and instrumental in stealing the impetus from Newcastle – his combination with Willian from the corner set up Oscar’s opener while Tim Krul had his back turned and Newcastle, for one fatal moment, had their lights off.

Angel Di Maria would have been disappointed to be taken off against Southampton. He was lively going forward when United were at their direct best, and looked desperate to make something happen. If he keeps getting behind defences like he endeavoured to yesterday he will surely explode into life against less organised sides. Southampton were as tidy and efficient as they come; they may not have threatened too much but the point was that neither did United – their midfield largely nullified the Red Devils and put in the ‘perfect away performance’ that will leave Gary Neville purring.

Philippe Coutinho was a buzzing presence for Liverpool, taking on players, having a go at goal. Still, his star was overshadowed by the bright Lazar Markovic, who sorely needs a good run of games to keep producing. It will be interesting to see who survives the return of Sterling and Sturridge, but until then, Brendan Rodgers will find it hard to drop the confident Coutinho.

My Revelations

Leicester City look foxy again, but so did they when they beat Manchester United, before going without a win in their next 13 games. At least David Nugent seems motivated this time. Last season’s top scorer was unlucky to strike the crossbar with another magnificent effort and his energy could be infectious as Leicester seek to go on another run. Villa, on the other hand, look like a team short of ideas, and Paul Lambert like a man out of time.

In a post-match interview Alan Pardew proclaimed that he didn’t remember Selhurst Park being this loud when he last played. His appointment is paying dividends faster than expected: with the fans in full voice, Palace turned defeat into victory and the team now look like they believe. The temperamental Jason Puncheon – ever the man for the big occasion – scored the emphatic winner after some lovely skill from the substitute Zaha, his first since August, and his increasingly important role for the team means there is surely more in store.

Nacer Chadli again popped up in good positions and set up Kane’s goal, but without the right balls finding him, had a muted game. Spurs ought not worry too much though: this day was one of those that was always going to be Pardew’s.

Theo Walcott should have scored but looks far from a real come back. Alexis’ Sanchez’s predictably persistent brilliance means he should not be rushed back. Yet it is hard to make any real inferences about the Arsenal team from this game. They were always going to win, never looked troubled, and Mark Hughes is a man running out of ideas. Sparky needs a spark, and the frustrating Arnautovic is not it.

Elsewhere in Europe

Paris come together, but also fall apart. On a day when the world had their eyes on Paris, PSG took theirs off the ball. Having raced into a two-goal lead against struggling Bastia they left the island on the losing side, the first time Blanc’s PSG side had conceded four goals. The decisive third by Julian Palmieri was a sumptuous Scholes-esque first time volley, that – echoing Sean Dyche’s sentiments – if scored by the master himself would have be talked about for a while to come.

Just as they did with Jesus’ garments, the Romans shared the spoils on a weekend possibly symbolic of Serie A’s second coming. Traditionally renown for dull defensive performances, the Italian league is enjoying a sort of Indian summer. This weekend’s glut of goals is the latest harvest from some supreme finishing and atypically bad defending: Serie A’s 34 goals scored doubling the Premier League’s miserly provision of 17.

Florence may have served up 7 goals but the game of the weekend comes from none other than the capital city itself, and finally for all the right reasons. In a game of two halves, Lazio were electrifying in the first. Spearheaded by the inspirational Felipe Anderson, who now has 5 goals and 5 assists in his last 5 games, their attacks were too pacey and too plentiful for Roma to handle. But Roma roared back in the second, the 38 year old Totti scoring his record 10th league Derby goal and celebrated the occasion by taking a #selfie. Still, the big winners on Super Sunday were in Turin as Juventus opened up a three point lead after an ambling win in Naples; Pogba and Vidal again each with a sensational strike to put some undeserved gloss on an otherwise uninspired performance.

Madrid was less chipper. Real Madrid won comfortably but the fans once again found something to be disgruntled about. For the second time this year they have picked on Gareth Bale for not realising that a Real rout isn’t a rout ’til Ronaldo scores. Such was the vociferousness of the blame levelled at the Welshman for shooting rather than passing to Ronaldo (Cristiano himself would have done no differently) that Carlo Ancelotti thought it appropriate to publicly fend off accusations of selfish play.

A day later their cross-town neighbours were taken apart by a team they might have to face twice more this month. Where Ronaldo failed, all of Barcelona’s front three succeeded, each scoring in a picture perfect win; to throw salt at wounds, Messi even did what Bale didn’t – feeding the pass to Suarez to register his 100th La Liga assist. Unlike his midweek gambles, Simeone’s one rotation backfired – Jesus Gamez was time and again schooled by Messi, who started on the right of a front three, often dropped deep, and suckered defenders out with great glee.

RIP Junior Malanda

The German winter break has seen teams jetting off in search of warmer climes, so the sheer silence on the football front has amplified the loud thud of Wolfsburg’s fallen young midfielder. Junior Malanda is a Belgian under-21 international who has been a regular fixture in Wolfsburg’s prospering midfield, even if he has been better known for his two blinding misses this season. On Saturday he was a passenger in a car crash, a Volkswagen of all cars – Volkswagen of course being the primary sponsor of VfL Wolfsburg, who play at Volkswagen Arena. Perhaps it is this commentator’s curse gone horribly wrong; regardless, this is a sobering reality that footballers, even the brightest of them, are mere mortals.

Sweat My Squad: The New Preview of the Weekend Wars (Gameweek 21)

Sweat My Squad

Some say that meddling in Fantasy Football is the highest form of making predictions. If done thoroughly, a Fantasy manager is literally putting his money where his mouth is, except without the money, and without the mouth.

Chubby Alonso certainly takes pride in his team selections. He doesn’t just make predictions for the weekend’s fixtures, he lives them through his choices. In Sweat My Squad, Chubby Alonso previews the weekend’s actions by explaining his Fantasy picks. He invites you join him in joy and in agony, and to see how close he comes every week to being a real crystal baller.

Brad Guzan (Leicester City v Aston Villa)

The Aston Villa goalkeeper will walk into the King Power stadium hoping to clock his third clean sheet in a row. While Villa have been notoriously goal-shy this season – having memorably cancelled their Goal of the Month competition in October – Paul Lambert’s ambling side have conceded just 6 goals in their last 10 and come up against a Leicester side without Riyad Mahrez and Jeffrey Schlupp, two players who have been hugely influential in their recent run of form. It remains to be seen if the imminent signing of Andrej Kramaric for a club record fee can spur the inconsistent Leonardo Ulloa on. Otherwise, the Foxes appear to be short of inspiration going forward and ought not trouble an organised Villa defence, unless David Nugent would like to have a say again.

Kieran Trippier/ Charlie Austin (Burnley v QPR)

Paul Dyche’s persistence with the same XI throughout the Christmas period may have backfired, with Jason Shackell and Kevin Long leaving Burnley slightly thin at the back. Yet his side’s successes this season have come less from individual excellence than from a gutsy team effort. Kieran Trippier is a combination of both – his adventurous forays down the right are matched by his discipline at the back – and joins my Fantasy team this week in lieu of a kind set of fixtures over the next four games. There’s a decent chance he’ll come through with a clean sheet today, and you can just tell he’s bursting to match up to last season’s tally of 12 assists. With Ings and Barnes in good form, he just might.

On the flip side, I don’t harbour too high hopes for Charlie Austin, especially with QPR’s curiously miserable away form. But the rot must stop at some point, and in a match that might turn out to be a a bit of a dogfight, the bigger risk would be to rest the battle-born Charlie Austin.

Leighton Baines (Everton v Manchester City)

Despite Everton’s incredible run of bad form, I can’t shake off the expectation that a turn of fortune lurks around the next the corner. With Martinez-esque optimism, we await the return of last year’s Everton – the metronomic version that we all know and love – in the way that the world expects Dortmund to bounce back next week, or the next, or the next. That is also the way I relate to Leighton Baines, a man who Martinez sees as Everton’s Philip Lahm, “or better”. Everton’s best football over the past few seasons has come from them overloading the wings, a play that pivots on the wit of Baines (and Coleman) to make overlapping runs and quick passes. Against City, Baines comes up against Zabaleta – probably the best in the league at doing what Baines does best – and will likely be pegged back. I cling on to the hope that Baines may steal a cheeky goal from a penalty or set piece, but realistically we can expect another David Silva masterclass to calm all nerves over Yaya Toure’s absence.

Branislav Ivanovic/ Eden Hazard/ Diego Costa (Chelsea v Newcastle United)

Newcastle have perennially found a way to trouble Chelsea, but surely not under John Carver, and surely not this time. With the combative Chieck Tiote and the oddly auspicious Papiss Cisse away on AFCON duty, Newcastle are expected to roll over at Stamford Bridge, especially if Janmaat, Coloccini and the industrious Sissoko remain injured. Ivanovic’s clean sheet at the back should be assured, and with 10 of Chelsea’s 44 league goals coming from set pieces, there’s always a chance that he gets in amongst the goals. With his alarmingly good form, especially at home, Hazard is a shoo-in for captaincy and ought to enjoy his day out in the sun, just as much as I will enjoy watching him. I’m still not Costa’s biggest fan, but he’s a perfect fit in Mourinho’s system and today looks to bring that systematic win in which he ought to bag his routine goal.

Gylfi Sigurdsson / Andy Carroll (Swansea City v West Ham United)

The impending loss of Wilfred Bony will have made little difference to Garry Monk’s preparations this month. In Bafetimbi Gomis they have a player not too dissimilar to Bony himself, perhaps with a little less guile and genius, but will now certainly have the determination to make up for it. It is worth noting that both players average roughly a shot every 20 minutes, a stat that comes down to Swansea’s real attacking threats: Sigurdsson and his silky, underrated wingmen. I stand by Sigurdsson’s ability to create, whoever is in front of him; with Routledge and Dyer back to make the runs they do, he won’t be short of options.

Against West Ham though, Swansea face a team almost antithetical to their style of play. This season’s Hammers play with a reliable front two ahead of a narrow midfield set up that relies on a combination of pace, power and invention to release their marauding full-backs. This allow their strike duo to be a classic partnership, rather than a synergy of modern positions. Andy Carroll should benefit from such a system, and as the last of – and probably the best of – the English big men, will be a handful for Swansea’s organised but soft defence. Carroll has been identified by Monk as their main threat and rightly so; Carroll ought to score – not because he is big but because the team, together, are strong. It is a tough match to call, but I would expect goals.

Nacer Chadli (Crystal Palace v Tottenham Hotspur)

Nacer Chadli is a new addition to my Fantasy family, picked ahead of the affable Eriksen, whose goals appeared to me more of a combination of good fortune and great free kicks. Chadli on the other hand seems to have the greater knack for popping up at the right place, which some will say is all you need to be a prolific goalscorer (see: Frank Lampard).

A maturing Tottenham may be the last team Pardew wants to face in his first league game in charge – a team not big enough to get the team fired up, yet not small enough to properly outplay. Fans might point to the loss of Yannick Bolaise as an excuse, but I anticipate that his rising mercury may be approaching a plateau, and the undoubtedly gifted Wilf Zaha can step in as an able replacement. The bigger blow is the absence of captain Mile Jedinak, goalscorer in Australia’s 4-1 win last evening. His powerful partnership with Joe Ledley added steel to the Palace midfield, a foundation of every modern ship that hopes to set sail. This fixture might have come too soon for Pards.

Angel Di Maria (Manchester United v Southampton)

Angel Di Maria will make his first Premier League start in five weeks in a match preambled by the tales of Louis Van Gaal’s frosty relationship with Ronald Koeman and Manchester United’s empty injury table. He will be keen to mark his return: within ten minutes of being introduced at Aston Villa he was quick to seize the ball and launch three ill-advised shots at goal. But that is Di Maria and his confidence in his own ability; he will hope to be the difference in this tricky fixture and should speed off the blocks. If United follows suit and rob Southampton of the chance to set up shop, they’ll be in business, and Old Trafford will be buzzing once again.

Other Punts of Interest:

Philippe Coutinho (Sunderland v Liverpool)

This dull Sunderland side may look to add to the wounds but are unlikely to get very far. Adam Johnson and Conor Wickham will wait in the wings for the odd mistake at the back, but if Coutinho and Sterling can get on the ball often, Liverpool can make it seven home games without a win for the Black Cats. With Lallana out for the month, the little Brazilian has to start finding consistency in producing the kind of magic he knows he is capable of.

Gareth McAuley (West Brom v Hull City)

As shown at Palace last season, Tony Pulis is not a man who needs time to grind results, so his appointment as West Brom ought to see the stock of their defenders rise. Football can be a simple game if you really work at it, and Tony Pulis is famed for putting that fight in his players. Gareth McAuley never shies from one at corners and will fancy himself even at the opposition end. Still, West Brom’s soft underbelly could prove their undoing: without Youssuf Mulumbu, away on international duty, Pulis will need to find a way to reinvigorate the off-colour Claudio Yacob or risk going without a traditional ball-winner in midfield. Hull’s Tom Huddlestone will look to stamp his authority on his return from suspension and West Brom may be the ideal opponents for that.

Theo Walcott (Arsenal v Stoke City)

Perhaps a little pre-mature, but with Walcott (and Wenger) you almost never know. Even in a ten minute cameo he has proven capable of that one incisive breakaway, though the settling of Sanchez, Welbeck and the ever-improving Oxlade-Chamberlain into Arsenal ranks has quietly mitigated the absence of Walcott’s stunning pace. With the busy Santi Carzola also finally finding his Fantasy feet, it will be interesting to see how Wenger fits him and then Ozil back into the fold. When that day comes the biggest problem facing Fantasy managers will arise – which of Arsenal’s assets to hold? Stoke have habitually rolled over at the Emirates and against an Arsenal side who have lost just one of their last 27 at home, look to be the opportune opposition for Theo Walcott to start making his case, even if from the bench.