FA Cup

Kicking The Blues: Upset People Upset People

Kicking The Blues

When you’re having a bad day, sometimes all you want is someone to listen. But we’ve all got that annoying friend who will instead try to ‘compete’ your blues away by explaining how your misery pales in comparison to the terrible day he’s having. You’re tired and you’re a nice person, so you listen anyway. Here’s Chubby Alonso, taking up that mantle of your annoying friend to recount a weekend of upset people and upset teams. Be nice, listen, and feel better:

 

It’s in the little things: Some stuff you might or might not have missed about the FA Cupsets

It was not till Sunday that the magic of the FA cup took its first victims. The first upset came at Ashton Gate, where League One leaders Bristol City were taken down a by late goal from West Ham’s Sakho. Brighton were the next victims of the cup curse, falling to Tomas Rosicky’s inspirational imitation of Cazorla’s masterclass at Manchester City, complete with this magnificent goal, including a no-look one-two in its build-up.

Otherwise it all went according to script till, with all of the top three Premier League teams succumbing to the hunger of Lower League predators. Manchester United, fourth in the Premier League and second in the Deloitte Football Money League, escaped the clutches of Cambridge United and earned themselves a lucrative replay.

1. Home is where the heart is

Luke Chadwick will always be known for two things: for being one of the least aesthetically pleasing players of his time, and being on the books of Manchester United – even winning a championship medal with them 14 years ago. On Friday evening he came on for what many people considered as a sort of homecoming for him, but the truth was that even while at United, he was always more at home in Cambridge. Prior to the FA Cup fixture, The Guardian’s Stuart James met Chadwick and bled out a lovely tale of football, fame and family. Among my favourite anecdotes are the stories of how his wife would buy him a Cambridge United kit every Christmas, how he has a mural of the club crest plastered on a wall at home, and his child-like admiration for the Class of ’92.

2. Pardew has Palace Purring

Alan Pardew has only been at the Palace helm for four games but he’s already reaped four wins and twelve goals for some very happy fans. The players themselves seem to be enjoying their football, least of all a flying Wilf Zaha. Yet it was the returning Maurone Chamakh, playing in a strange No.10 role against third place Southampton, who really impressed Pardew. His post-match comment was particularly interesting: “The guys said to me ‘you’re going to get a lift in the team when you see him play’”, revealing just how highly regarded he is by his teammates, which some will say is the highest honour. Equally interesting was the fact that Palace’s front four consisted of players who were once (or still are) on the books of either Arsenal and Manchester United, perhaps a hat-tip to how raw talent sometimes need a stage to shine. Either way, two of them shone brightly, and combined with devastating effect for Palace’s beautifully worked winning goal.

3. Manchester City turn up late for their date

Title-contenders Manchester City may have spent the better part of last week under the sun in Abu Dhabi, but they will really be feeling the heat now. A win on Saturday would have shoved the spotlights out the door but they didn’t, so the club’s decision not only to take a midweek middle eastern break and return only 19 hours before the fixture has come under scrutiny as one that is both abhorrent and arrogant: abhorrent for the way the suits in the hierarchy have been allowed to call the shots at the football club, and arrogant because their approach would surely have been different if it was in fact Chelsea they were due to face. As a result, City were ill-prepared and failed to turn up against a side that has played five more league games than Chelsea this season but has conceded one less goal. Instead it was Mourinho’s old right-hand man Aitor Karanka who orchestrated a performance worthy of the master; and it was Lee Tomlin who turned more heads than Sergio Aguero, who has now gone over 210 minutes without a goal.

4. Bradford United

Phil Parkinson was a picture of professionalism when approached by Mourinho for one of his derisory pre-mature handshakes, keeping his cold hands snug in his pockets. Similarly, when Jose hollered down the tunnel at Filipe Morais before the game, Morais refused to be rattled, even if it was likely more of a gesture than a sick mind-game. Still, these battle-ready facades worn by manager and player alike were symbolic of Bradford City’s united front on display at Stamford Bridge. This game may have meant particularly much to Morais, who played in Mourinho’s first ever Chelsea game in charge in 2004 (a friendly against Oxford) and has publicly regretted subsequently turning down a contract extension at the club, yet he barely made it about him. At 29, the goalscorer of Bradford’s equaliser has come a long way and is a surprising example for today’s sentimental professionals:  “I always thought I wouldn’t ­celebrate if I scored…but when you score you are just overcome with emotion…I didn’t want to give the Bradford fans the injustice of not celebrating – they deserve it. This is the club I play for and I’m absolutely honoured to do so.”


Elsewhere in Europe, the Red Mist descends…

If at first you don’t succeed…
What Ronaldo wants, Ronaldo gets. Having failed to get that early bath when his ugly swing at Crespo went unnoticed by the referee, he finally succeeded with a cheeky kick out at Edimar, before nailing Crespo again with his backhand to the jaw. Absolutely beaming at his own efforts, he dusted down the little gold FIFA World Champion badge on his kit, proving to a disappointed watching world that the measure of a man is still his manners and maturity, rather than his medals.

Ronaldo is no stranger to getting his claws out, having already let them loose against Atletico, Malaga and Bilbao before, and it is unlikely that Cordoba will be the last. If anything this is a good reminder that even the finest footballers make false idols: Cristiano has his pride, Messi has his taxes, George Best had his women, Maradona had his drugs; even Pele is a hapless personality without a ball at his feet. Sometimes, footballers need to be absolved of the moral responsibility that the media makes them carry, or in Bebe’s case, the expectation as well. Away from the limelight that plagued him in Manchester and Portugal, he was by far the bigger handful between the two Portugese and finished the game having taken the most shots and completing the most dribbles and for a humble footballer like him, one has only the best wishes.

#thuglife
Philipe Mexes’ ballistic moment of madness on Saturday makes his red card count stand at 16 in 15 years, with a total of 43 games missed through suspension alone. Yet in his glittering collection of aggression, his blow-up against Stefano Mauri will surely stand up there as the most manic and dramatic of the lot. If ever there was a time to describe a player as having lost his head, this is surely it. In contrast, Mauri was startlingly composed even in Mexes’ chokehold and has ever right to be bewildered to be shown a yellow card for doing literally nothing. Fascinatingly, Mexes and Mauri square up again in the Coppa Italia as red cards shown in league games don’t apply in the cup, setting up a tremendously tasty encounter that Pippo Inzaghi is under serious fire to win.

Red or Dead

One man who did lose his head was Anderlecht’s Steven Defour, who was quite graphically depicted in a distasteful tifo (giant banner) with his head decapitated. Steven Defour had enjoyed some memorable years as captain of Standard Leige but all love was lost when he made his return to Belgian football at their eternal rivals Anderlecht. Defour may have toed the line of professionalism when he was sent off for thumping the ball into an angry crowd twice, but it was the Standard fans who first crossed it by a big distance. The football fan’s forgotten role is to support their team, rather than the modern hooligan’s preference for bullying their rivals into submission. Yes, rivalries between players and fans can make the game intense and even entertaining, but this was a public threat to a player’s morality, not a satiric jibe over a costly slip (Gerrard). Especially in the wake of the beheadings in Syria and especially in a country as multi-cultural as Belgium hopes to be, this banner and the sentiments behind it has no place in what ultimately is a sport, and has no right against a man who is, at the end of the day, just doing his job.

Red Hot (Just to end on a good note)
Paul Pogba has now scored four goals in his past four games, all against teams from Verona, and all of them fairly spectacular. He didn’t disappoint on Sunday, showing his delightful feet not just with this sumptuous skill and shot with his ‘wrong foot’, nor with this magnificent take down, but also with this little dance around in midfield. Oh, and he does a pretty good Bruce Lee as well:

The Friday Burrito: Goals, Balls and Golden Balls

The Friday Burrito

If you enjoyed Chubby Alonso’s Friday Burrito mix last week, you might appreciate this week’s too. This week’s wrap may be a little less spicy, but it more than makes up for it with an unhealthy amount of stardust.

Here’s Chubby Alonso’s recipe for the week:

1. FA Cup Replays

Calls for the abolition of the FA Cup replay may mean that this rather archaic practice will soon be no more, but until then let us indulge in them. The six mid-week cup replays have served up a host of goals: 25 goals (8 more than last weekend’s premier league fixtures) and 29 penalty kicks. Wolves and Fulham may have put up a 3-3 thriller on a snowcapped evening that made for some beautiful photo-memories, but the game on the night was undoubtedly at Upton Park. A match that had everything – an early red card (for Aiden McGeady), a fight back, even a Carlton Cole goal – ended with a goalkeeper scoring the winning penalty. The Premier League moneybags may scoff at replays, but nights like these show what a joy they can be for the fans – and surely that’s all that matters?

2. A Meaty Bony


The Wilfried Bony deal was quick, painless and good for all parties. No duplicity, no fuss; Garry Monk may have been openly resigned to losing one of his best players but showed the strength to resist a lower fee, and the optimism to push forward regardless. This means that Bony is now the most expensive African player, and has suddenly found himself in a club where he stands a realistic chance of ending the season with his first trophy in a big European league. For City they’ve got themselves a hefty (literally) Plan B in the Premier League’s top scorer in 2014 (20 goals) to go along with Aguero and Toure – second and third top scorers respectively – but also a bunch of other problems. Question marks remain over where he’ll fit in when Aguero is healthy, especially when both Bony and City have recently thrived in a lone striker system. The same question marks loom even more precariously over some players in the squad who have found themselves increasingly pushed to the fringes. Due to UEFA restrictions, Pellegrini will have to drop a foreign player from his European squad, making the next few weeks a pretty uneasy one for Jovetic, Dzeko or perhaps even both.

3. Mr. World

In football’s very own version of the famous popularity contest, Cristiano Ronaldo is Mr. World 2014. Cristiano himself, of course, affectionately thinks of himself as the world, and few had any doubts he was going to win the Ballon d’Or. Real Madrid won La Decima, Messi endured a trophyless season, Ronaldo scored lots and lots of goals. Of course he’s worked hard for that, and few will ever begrudge every honour given to the man. I, for one, think that Ronaldo is the better player. Messi may be the more aesthetically pleasing footballer, but Ronaldo is a manager’s dream – no matter how poorly set up the team is, no matter the formation or the supporting cast, he’s got the capacity and the grit to do what you’d want him to do for you, and more. In celebration, Nike gifted him a pair of diamond-encrusted ‘Mercurial CR7 Rare Gold’ boots, because there’s no better time to be a sponsor of the world’s most popular footballer.

4. Empty Hands

Perhaps the more deserved (and less mundane) story of Monday night’s event is that of those who didn’t win. Stephanie Roche will have enjoyed a special night out but she must still feel disappointed to return to her£650-a-month job at newly-promoted ASPTT Albi without the Puskas award. The trophy will instead find its place as one of surely many more on the mantlepiece of Real Madrid’s James Rodriguez, whose goal was fantastic, but hardly better. This was a terrific chance to divorce celebrity from the choice but it was star-power that won the day again, just as Zlatan’s did last time round.

Star-power was also the rule in FIFPro’s World XI, which featured two members of Brazil’s disappointing World Cup campaign and a key member of a Barcelona and Spanish team, two sides that in 2014 defined the word ‘defeated’. The inclusion of David Luiz, participant in that 7-1 defeat was particularly surprising, given that he only occasionally featured for Chelsea that season, and has had a rather vanilla start with a PSG side currently 4th in a weak Ligue Un. Diego Godin, on the other hand, may have scored in the Champions League final, scored the goal that took Uruguay out of the group stages in the World Cup, and won La Liga with Atletico Madrid, but he couldn’t even make the ‘Reserve XI’. I don’t think anyone will be taking these lists too seriously

5. Return of The Kid


Real Madrid may have the best squad in the world but the treble is officially beyond them this season. Before kick off they flaunted Cristiano Ronaldo (in abovementioned diamond boots), James Rodriguez, Toni Kroos and Sergio Ramos with their shiny new trophies from Monday night, but it was a Fernando Torres, once breaker of Barca hearts, who would send not one, but two pins flying towards Real’s brimming bubble. These were El Nino’s first goals in a Madrid derby, having failed to score in 10 attempts during his first spell, and they had come quick and fast: 49 seconds within the start of the first half and then 35 seconds within the second. Indeed, but for his goals Real may have cruised to an unlikely comeback victory over a stubborn Simeone side that sat far too deep for their own good. Real Madrid was hardly at their worst, but Sergio Ramos was certainly at his calamitous best; he may have scored, but goals don’t make games. Torres will do well to bear that in mind – he has come away as the day’s official hero but apart from his two smart finishes he had little else to show for his efforts and was later taken off for Arda Turan, who looked much more clever and assured with the ball. The prodigal son may be home, but there’s a long road yet to redemption.

And because I’ve been good this week, a bonus dessert:
6. A Bag of Crisps


David Moyes was sent to the stands as Real Sociedad went out of the Copa Del Rey but he preserved his dignity with some expert technique to scale the barriers, and then by enjoying a crisp and a laugh with the fans in the stands. Oh and the nuts he turned down? A bag of Mister Crisps, which sources say can get pretty nasty….making David Moyes a man with some pretty fine taste.